Traffic Life : Passionate Tales and Exit Strategies
Edited by Stephan Wehner
An Anthology
 
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128 First, you buy a car of course, balance them too. The salesperson smiles. You pay their bill. At least the automobile association provides you with maps of interesting places to go, and a card showing that you are a member. You pay that bill too. And, they smile. The map points out how New Zealand is 'clean and green!' When you go for the driver's test, you bring someone who does have a license, so they can't accuse you of driving to the site of the test without a license. You take the written test, but fail the vision test. Your mate is disappointed. So you have to go to the doctor's office and take another vi- sion test there. The doctor charges 00.00 for that test, and says that you need glasses. Of course, this new dis- covery means that the glasses are really necessary, so you select glasses that are marked 00.00. You pay your mate something for helping, you pay the doctor's office, and pay for the glasses. Everyone smiles that day. A bill arrives from the police claiming that you were driv- ing at a rate of speed much greater than allowed. This re- freshes your memory about your cruise when you first tried out your motor vehicle, and you recall that you might in- deed have passed a traffic camera and you might indeed have been clocked at what they claim. You pay the bill. You write a letter to your local parliamentarian about the quality of the roads and the issues raised by traffic cameras. You can be sure they smile at your letter. You can then return to the driver's test locale, where they schedule you for the next part of the test in three more weeks. You use the time to polish the motor vehicle again, and find that the windscreen wipers need replacing. You go to the automobile accessories shop and they smile when you enter and laugh as you exit. Of course, you pay that bill.After three weeks, you go with someone just in case, to take the test. You drive around town and into rural roads, and back up and park and do all the other things that one must do to get a license. The assessor says you will hear in the mail about whether you passed or failed. The assessor smiles. You pay the bill for your mate and the bill for the
  
Robert Gregory 129 assessor. In two weeks this time, you receive a message in the mail that you failed, and are automatically scheduled to take the test again, in three weeks. The bill is actually a receipt for the first test. You pay your bill, just in case. In three weeks, you go for the test again. This time you drive around town and then to rural roads where you back up and park and do all the other things that one must do to get a license. The assessor says you will hear in the mail about whether you passed or failed. The assessor smiles, so you feel positive. Hopefully, you passed. And you pay the bill. In two weeks, this time, you receive a message in the mail that you passed, and they enclose a bill. You pay the bill again, just in case. Now when you go out to drive, you remember the speed camera and avoid it. However, the police also moved the camera to a new, hidden location, so you again, in two weeks time, get another ticket for speeding. No one told you but you now have two tickets, and the three tickets and out system is a sad reality. You pay the bill. Now it has been about 4 months since you purchased your vehicle. You are finally ready to go for a ride, across country. It is time to get into the traffic. This is what you have been waiting for. You smile at the anticipation of it all. You are happy to be in this lucky country, where life is carefree and happy, like the advertisements. First though, you fill up with petrol. The station atten- dant smiles as you pay your bill. You still wonder about the taxes on the tax. On the road! Finally, you drive away, perhaps from Wellington to the north, or from Auckland south. In Auck- land, you clear 'Spaghetti Junction' and enter the South- ern Motorway. On an average day, the traffic stops for a couple of hours while overturned trucks are towed away, whereas going north from Wellington, the traffic stops for a couple of hours daily while head-on wrecks are towed away. Helicopters keep busy in both locations, ferrying passen- gers to emergency rooms in hospitals, while the Accident

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